yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
