i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
