if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
