dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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