It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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