dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
