put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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