You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
