I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
