I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
