I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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