Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
