my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
