Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
