We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My ATM looks so different sober.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My feet surprised me
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