i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I understand Curling. That high.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
