"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
