look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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