pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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