mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
