At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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