you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
