just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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