But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize