belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
