i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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