i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
