I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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