"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
