hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
