i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
please come you make the beer taste better
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize