well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
