Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
