I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
