if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
