You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
