I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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