I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
