oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
