genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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