Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
