Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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