we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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