dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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