Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
