Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
