I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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