peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize