I'm gonna have a badass scar
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
