whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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