Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
