I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
