Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
