I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
operation harelip BJ is a go
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
