her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
