she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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