I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
