Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
