i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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