During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
