**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
