he thought i was a dude.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
