it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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