Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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